March 10, 2010

Coming back to a dreary Minnesota March from sunny Tucson is usually a bump in the road, and this time is no exception. When in Arizona, you get up a head of steam from all the sunshine and think you're going to tackle the world when you get home. Often, however, whatever chemicals are released by the sunshine wear off and I find myself back in Minnesota in a quagmire of just getting by, at least until things warm up.

I mean, you can't even go for a walk. It is muddy, icy, wet, everything.

This time was a little different. I had a whole stack of things I was eager to do when I got home. But I got too hyper. I have been cleaning the house, doing projects, pacing around like a caged animal--until two in the morning! Then I pop up at eight in the morning ready to go again.

Sounds great, but I would like some sleep. Eventually, you get a little shaky. In Arizona, I slept like a kitten and took at least one nap per day to boot. In between times, I got a lot done. Suddenly, the nap is out the window and sleep is hard to come by.

(This is one thing I have been working on.)

I need sunshine, both to be productive and to sleep.

Thank goodness, I have stayed on anti-depressants all through the winter so the effects of the climate change are mild and completely manageable. The years I have come home from Arizona unfortified by happy pills, I have hit the skids.

By the way, this latest news article that says anti-depressants are the same as a placebo doesn't fit with my experience and with that of many, many people I know. They work. I went off them for a year once six years ago and it was a mistake. The entire year was rough. For me, anti-depressants are like eyeglasses--what sense does it make to grope around without them?

Even with happy pills, this time of year is often characterized by a vague sense of unease and an inability to relax and quit thinking about stupid stuff that could go wrong but won't. I have to sit down frequently, take a deep breath and realize that all is well. When fortified by anti-depressants, I can pull out of it in minutes and get busy. Without them, sometimes I get in a cycle where I'd rather hide under the bed for a week.